Study Finds Men Turn Down Sex as Much as Women Do
By Linda Blackford lblackford@herald-leader.com

A new study examined sexual desire in the context of long-term relationships. Considering a lot of us may be in relationships that are decades long, the findings may be particularly interesting.

"Honey, not tonight. I'm just not in the mood."

"I have a headache, dear."

If you had to guess, do you think men or women mutter these lines more often to their long-time significant others? Chances are, you said women do. And if you did, you may be surprised to learn that you're wrong.

According to a study by University of Kentucky researchers, when in a long-term relationship, men turn down sex just as much as women do. The assumption that men have a higher sexual desire than women (which is often portrayed in popular culture) is not supported by the data. In fact, the study points out that desire ebbs and flows for each partner for a variety of reasons throughout a relationship. Many of those reasons are related to societal expectations, insecurities, or life events such as childbirth or an illness.

"The idea that for you to expect your sexual desire to be the same forever — you set yourself up for disappointment and that can impact relationship satisfaction. One should expect their sexual desire will change throughout a relationship, that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. It just indicates that sexual desire is quite complex." This is what Kristen Mark, director of UK's Sexual Promotion Lab in the UK College of Education's Department of Kinesiology and Health Promotion, said about sexual expectations in long-term relationships.

During the 20th century, life expectancy increased from 60 to 80 years of age, and as a result, people have more healthy and sexually active years after retirement. Some of the reasons that baby boomers may turn down sex during these later years are becoming obsolete. For older males, erectile dysfunction can be emasculating but healthcare advancements have led to incredibly effective medications. For females, menopause is what typically affects their sexual lives most. Not terribly long ago, women were assumed to be sexually inactive after menopause. This couldn’t be further from the truth today. In fact, research shows social and psychological factors are far more important in predicting sexual activity later in life than the hormones associated with menopause. Alternatives like visiting a urologist for medical reasons can also be a good option, places like boston medical center.   

While men and women from every generation turn down sex from time to time, it seems boomers turn it down the least, as baby boomers are having quite a bit more sex than younger generations, notably millennials. A recent study of 33,000 people published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that millennials were likely to have had an average of about 8 partners, while Boomers were more likely to have had 10 or 11.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, does your experience line up with the study's findings?

 




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