Etiquette. The word may bring to mind images of the Victorian Era and unnatural rules of behavior. But today basic etiquette is an important part of presenting a positive image to your boss or to your clients or customers.
The skills required to project a relaxed and competent image are now receiving attention from all types of organizations, which expect employees at a variety of levels to be able to successfully present themselves and the company’s interests.
“Many people that make it to the top understand these rules, and they expect others to know them too. Most of the people I work with are upwardly mobile and good at their jobs but might lack the social skills to take that next step,” explains Jane Wilger, President of Wilger Image Development, Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Wilger provides common sense guidelines for situations businesspeople frequently experience, whether they are engineers, salespeople, administrators or executives. In her seminars, Wilger discusses all aspects of business meals, how to dress for success, body language, introductions, and even cell phone manners. A few of her favorite tips follow below:
While introductions may appear simple, these are the few moments in which critical first impressions are made on all sides.
“Always stand up when being introduced to someone,” says Wilger. “If you’re sitting across a large table it may not be possible to reach across and shake hands, but you can at least stand.”
The name of the person of highest rank, or the person of honor, should be spoken first; all others are being presented to that person. For example, “President Clinton, I’d like you to meet Jane Smith.”
“The person of highest rank,” says Wilger, “is first the client, or any person who is outside of your organization, unless they are a member of your family. Second, it is the person with a higher position, so that a manager would be introduced to a vice president.”
“Whether you’re a man or a woman, jobs can still be won or lost on the basis of a firm handshake,” says Wilger. Men and women should shake hands with each other the same way as woman to woman or man to man. Offer your hand turned at a 90 degree angle to the floor and don’t hold just the fingers or try to crush the other person’s hand with an iron grip.
During a cocktail hour, hold your drink in the left hand. Do this both to keep your right hand free, and so it is not cold and wet from holding a glass.
Some men may wait for a woman to offer her hand to be shaken, rather than automatically extending their hand to her. Wilger advises women to “get your hand out there right away so there is no confusion.” She offers the same advice to anyone who might have a disability in their right hand or arm. “Bob Dole puts his left hand out there to shake right away, and people just learn to shake left hands with him.”
“Your napkin should go into your lap within the first ten seconds of sitting down,” says Wilger. And once in your lap, the napkin should never again be placed on the table until everyone leaves at the end of the meal. If you need to stand or leave the table during the meal, the napkin should be left on your chair.
Wilger says she is often asked what to do if something is stuck in your teeth. “The rule is that it should come out the same way it went in.” If it went in by hand, such as grape stones, olive pits or bits of nut shell, it goes out by hand. If it went on a spoon, such as something in a soup, it should come out by spoon. An exception to this rule are small clean things such as fish bones, which likely went in on a fork, but can be removed by hand.
Wilger also notes it is best to be as discreet as possible. Trying too hard to cover up what you’re doing by hiding behind your napkin actually draws more attention to the process than if you try to quietly remove the problem food.
If you think there might be a scuffle about who will pay the bill, or if you simply want it handled in a swift and subtle way, Wilger suggests the following. “Arrive at the restaurant a few minutes early, tell them you are entertaining a client and ask them to run your credit card through. Then the bill will come straight to you and all you have to do at the end of the meal is figure the tip and sign your name.”
“The purpose of small talk is to find something in common and create a bond,” says Wilger. “The best way to do this is to ask people questions. Trying to be witty is less important than being observant and asking good questions.”
Wilger does not feel politics and religion need to be avoided as topics, as long as no blanket attacks are made, and especially if you know the person you’re talking with has similar interests. However, “never, ever bring up sex in any context,” said Wilger. “And never swear. People get into a social situation and they let their guard down. People are still often perceived as less intelligent if you have to swear to make your point.”
A recent addition to Wilger’s bag of tips is cell phone etiquette. “Technology poses some etiquette questions that are entirely new to us. For example, cell phone time is often expensive. Don’t ask to use someone’s cell phone unless it is an emergency, especially if that person is a client. But regardless of whose phone it is, always offer to pay for the call.”
In addition to seminars and individual coaching, Wilger Image Development offers a four-part video series titled “Beyond First Impressions: Your Professional Image.” Topics in the series include: Social Functions, Introductions, First Impressions, and Dining Etiquette. For more information or to order, write Wilger Image Development, 618 Washington Avenue North, Minneapolis, Minn. 55401. Or call: 612-341-9377. (ARA)
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