Communication is Key For Child and Parent Relationship Shift

At some point in life, there is a subtle shift when adult children start to look after their aging parents more so than the other way around. When exactly this happens varies greatly and there are obvious factors that may cause this to happen sooner for some. But when it finally happens, it can be a very delicate dance between parent and child. It goes against the essence of what the relationship has always been about and can elicit a range of emotions, thoughts, and opinions.

As a baby boomer, you may be smack dab in the middle of caring for your aging parents. If you're an older baby boomer, perhaps you're starting to worry about becoming the "aging parent." In either case, this life change is a hard one for all involved. If both sides can acknowledge that this relationship shift will likely happen at some point, communicate and be prepared for it, then it will be a smoother transition for everyone.

The shift may start out with little things, such as adult children helping with errands, making sure their parents are taking any medications and keeping up with doctor appointments. Manual chores may become harder for the aging parents to do on their own, so perhaps the adult children step in and take care of certain chores around the house or help with meal preparation. Eventually it may lead to bigger things.

One of the biggest decisions aging adults will make is how they want to live out their senior years. Is living in an assisted living center the best option? What about aging in place and enlisting the help of a caregiver? You'll possibly need to make updates to the home and purchase certain power wheelchair equipment to help your parent stay safe. Perhaps the adult child prefers the parent to move in with him or her. It's important to discuss options together while the aging parent is competent and able to effectively communicate his or her feelings and desires.

Because the decision usually affects the adult children, it makes sense if the decision is made with all parties involved. That means communication is key. While it might seem like an obvious topic to talk about, according to the American Association of Retired Persons, two-thirds of adult children have never had this talk with their aging parents!

Why? Many adult children don't know where to begin. If you haven't talked to your aging parents or you are the aging parent, you'll want to broach the topic and set a time to sit down and discuss it. Decide who should be in attendance and go over some points of discussion beforehand, so everyone has time to think about it on their own.

If you're the adult child in this scenario, it can be especially helpful if you remind your parent that the ultimate goal is to keep him or her safe and healthy. Remain calm and remember to express your opinion as it is: an opinion. Refrain from saying things like "you need" and "you should", which can make your parent feel like you are trying to control the situation.

Obviously certain situations will make decisions easier, such as medical issues that require day-to-day attention, loss of cognitive function or loss of a spouse. Again, planning ahead and agreeing to situational factors can make it easier on everyone down the road.

If you do end up as a primary caregiver to an aging parent, remember to take care of yourself. Studies show that adult children who are caregivers to a parent experience their own health issues because of the stress they are under. It's a daunting task, so be sure to educate yourself, explore all options, and ask for help if you need it.

 




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