For many couples, sex contributes greatly to the overall intimacy in their relationship. It can be a great source of bonding and a sensual way to express love and desire for one another. But what happens when one partner feels like their sexual needs aren’t being met?
It can be tough to open up about sex life, especially if you feel like your partner isn't exactly on the same page as you are. Maybe they’re not as adventurous in bed as you’d like them to be, or perhaps they don't seem to want sex as often as you do.
Whatever the case, it’s essential to communicate with your partner about your sex life and desires – and let them share theirs. Below, we’ve put together a few tips on discussing sex with your loved one and communicating better in the bedroom.
The main thing you want to avoid is coming on too strong. If you bring up the topic of sex out of nowhere, it may sound insensitive or even demanding. You should instead start by casually mentioning something you’d like to try in bed when discussing something relevant. For example, if you’re looking forward to introducing sex toys into your intercourses, don’t just reach out for it in the middle of the action.
Instead, you can first share your idea with your partner, invite them to browse through how to use sex toys for couples online, and then, when you’re sure you’re both comfortable with giving this a try, bring it on. The context is the key here.
If you make it sound like a fun conversation and not an interrogation, your partner will likely be more receptive to it. For instance, you could compliment something they did in bed that you enjoyed and then ask if there’s anything they’d like to try.
When discussing your sexual desires with your partner, it’s best to focus on how you feel rather than what you want them to do. For example, instead of saying, “I wish you’d be more dominant in bed,” try something like “I feel really sexy when you take charge.”
This will make it sound like you want them to do something because it turns you on, not just because they think that’s what you want. It also shows that you’re willing to experiment and try new things in the bedroom, which can be a major turn-on for your partner.
When talking about sex, you need to create a safe space for your partner to share their own desires without feeling like they’re being judged. Avoid using loaded words such as “never,” “always,” and “must,” as they can make them feel defensive or even ashamed.
Instead, try to use phrases like “I feel,” “I want,” or “I would like.” For example, instead of saying, “You never make an effort in bed,” you could say something like “I’d like it if you took the initiative more often.” This will make it sound like you’re simply sharing your own thoughts without putting your partner down in any way.
It’s important to realize that just because you want to try something new in bed, it doesn’t mean your partner wants to as well. Always get their consent before trying anything, and be ready to take no for an answer. If they say they don’t want to do something, respect their wishes and move on.
You can always bring it up again at another time or suggest other activities that both of you will enjoy. The most important thing is to ensure they feel comfortable and safe during sex – or in your relationship in general.
Opening up about sex can be overwhelming, especially if you’re used to keeping your desires to yourself. But it’s essential to be patient and understanding with your partner, even if they don’t share exactly the same views on sex as yours.
They may not be ready to experiment just yet or need some more time to feel comfortable openly discussing sex. That’s perfectly okay, and you shouldn’t pressure them into doing anything they don’t want to do.
Unfortunately, many people struggle with actively listening to their partner, not just when discussing sex. It can be easy to get lost in your own head and start thinking about your desires instead of really hearing what they’re saying.
Such one-way communication often leads to misunderstandings and can even make your partner feel neglected. So, when they’re talking, you should really listen to what they have to say and try to see things from each other’s perspective.
Try to be curious and ask questions about what you want to do together and how they feel about it. This will help show your partner that you’re genuinely interested in their desires and care about improving your sex life for both of you, not just satisfying your individual fantasies.
Surprisingly enough, many people find it difficult to talk about their sexual desires with their partner. Maybe they’re afraid of being rejected or judged, or maybe they just don’t know how to start the conversation.
Whatever the case, maintaining open communication with your partner about sex is essential. This will not only help make your intimate relationship more meaningful and attentive but can also help you strengthen your bond.
If you’re having trouble discussing sex openly, try following the tips above. And if you still can’t seem to get your partner to open up, consider talking to a sexologist or a couples counselor who will be able to provide you with professional advice. Good luck!