Navigating social situations, especially as the holiday season approaches can be challenging. There will be much post-election discussion around the holidays and perhaps a need to tread lightly as different political views may be experienced around the gathering table.

The British seem to always generate quirky movies and the one we just viewed is no exception. In the movie, aptly titled, “Sometimes Always Never,” the character, played by Bill Nighy, struggles to let go of the experience of losing a son decades ago.  His living son, along with Bill Nighy’s character, are unable to move forward in their own relationship as a result of this seismic loss. The viewer watches as healing begins especially because the father, a retired tailor, lives by a motto. He always told his customers when wearing a three-button suit to sometimes leave the top button open, always button the middle, and never button the bottom one.

This rule of suit wearing is a metaphor for both social interactions and dealing with life’s complexities in a measured way; essentially suggesting that there are times to engage fully, other times to maintain a steady approach, and finally, times to remain detached depending on the situation. How Bill Nighy, the father, enacts these approaches in his own life shows how tricky knowing which tack to take. 

That leaves us with pondering how to get through the holidays. Some of us after the election are still feeling a combination of shock and grief while others are elated. The grief for both ourselves and our country may be compounded with other recent losses. We can relate as our beautiful sidekick, Daisy, our Nova Scotia Duck Tolling retriever, passed on months ago. As a result, we are still licking our wounds and having a quiet Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. The idyllic Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving dinner painting, Freedom from Want, which was the third painting in the Four Freedoms series, feels a little too cheery for us right now.

Norman Rockwell, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

For those of you who may be a part of larger gatherings this holiday season, it would be wise to remind yourself of the social etiquette depicted as a three-button suit.

Ask yourself, when someone is discussing hot topics at the table if this is a time you may need to keep your top and middle button engaged, that is; keep a buttoned lip. If conversations stay calm and non-inflammatory, you may loosen your buttons and this tack is especially recommended if the meal is making your suit jacket a wee bit tight anyway.  In summary, the full-frontal approach in arguing only alienates the other person and it is important to remember that everyone is coming from a different reference point and perception.  

Feel the grief or elation this holiday season but remember as you age you may not have all the answers. However, you can wear your three-button suit knowing which proverbial buttons should stay open and which ones closed.