If you are in the final stretch of life, you may be surprised to notice that your priorities are changing. Perhaps you want to place love at the center of your life after years of focusing on other things. If you are like a lot of people, you may have been so busy with “important” jobs that you only managed to squeeze in distracted chats with your loved ones during your “productive” years. But at this stage, the markers of success – wealth, prestige, and the accomplishments of youth – hold less meaning and importance than the more genuine connections with our loved ones and dear friends.

If you are noticing this pull toward intimacy, but are unsure how to create the meaningful connections you long for, there are three practices that you need to engage in. As you bring these practices into your relationships, you will quickly see how they help you to discover new dimensions of connection with your loved ones.

1. Listen from the heart

 This kind of listening asks you to sit with someone else - whether in person, on a Zoom call or on the phone - and pay attention not just to their words, but to the emotions they’re expressing with their tone, their body, and their silences. As you listen, notice what you feel in your own body and heart. Do your best to stay focused on the other person, and if your mind wanders or you start problem-solving, bring it back. Be willing to receive whatever comes from the other person while staying present and open. Mute your opinions and agendas. Incredible closeness can come from this kind of listening. It is a rare gift that makes space for the other person’s humanity and treats it as something precious.

2. Speak from the heart

 Speaking from the heart brings warmth, acceptance, and intimacy into the relationship. Do it by aiming to speak honestly, kindly, and authentically. Expand the conversation to acknowledge the nonverbal messages you picked up as you listened from the heart: the emotions you observed and the messages your intuition picked up on. Doing this might be as simple as noticing that your friend seemed preoccupied and saying, “You seem a little distracted. Is there something you want to tell me about?”

When the answer comes, listen deeply once more from the heart. Let your loved one wander and think out loud if they need to; and when they finish, take it all in.  Then, with empathy, comment or ask for clarity. Instead of jumping in to give advice, offer your curiosity. When someone is excited, help them savor the experience by pushing for details: “Tell me everything! How did you feel?” Then reflect the experience back to them. Positive psychology researchers say that what makes people feel most valued and understood is the way we respond to and share their positive times and passion.

3. Act from the heart

As your loved one begins to share more hopes, insecurities, joys, and fears, you’ll begin to notice that it’s within your power to improve another person’s wellbeing. Let yourself draw closer and be of service to them. As you do this, honor their desires instead of swooping in with grand gestures to save them. Treat them as an equal - not someone you need to fix or rescue - and follow your impulses to offer them everyday kindness and tender care. That can be as simple as checking in by phone, sending a card, or realizing that the most meaningful thing you can do right now is to offer a hug and a heartfelt “I love you.”

In recent months, I’ve often reached out to friends who are stressed and struggling to let them know I’m available to talk if they need me. The world is more manageable and more welcoming when you approach as “we” and “us” instead of alone. Acting—and speaking and listening—from the heart tells the other person, “You’re dear to me. I’m grateful that you exist. I’m here for you, and we’re in this together.”

Charles Garfield, Ph.D. is the author of Our Wisdom Years: Growing Older With Joy, Fulfillment, Resilience, and No Regrets. He is the founder of the widely acclaimed Shanti Project, a community-based nonprofit that provides volunteer support for men and women with AIDS or cancer. For over four decades, Dr. Garfield served as a clinical professor of psychology at the University of California Medical School in San Francisco.