Is Success Defined by Good Relationships?

Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, the second and third wealthiest people in the world, are what most people would consider successful. Gates revealed in a blog post that Buffet recently posed the question "Do the people you care about love you back?" as a way to define success. Gates responded "I think that is about as good a metric as you will find." This may give you pause. Why? Because a lot of us may measure success by money, but two of the wealthiest men on Earth don't see that as the driving factor to defining success.

It's a great question and it highlights an important concept: good relationships keep us happy and healthy. If you've never heard of The Harvard Grant Study, read up on it here. It's an informative and interesting read that explains the nearly 80 year-long study that started tracking Harvard students in 1938. The goal of the study was to hopefully reveal clues of leading a happy and healthy life. And it certainly has provided a wealth of information.

The data has revealed that close relationships are what keep people happy, way more so than money or fame. Even more, people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. Those that kept good relationships lived longer and those that were loners died earlier. Many experts believe we're experiencing a loneliness epidemic, so this finding underscores the importance of battling loneliness. You can read a previous article for more information on the types of loneliness and how to be more connected.

Let's circle back to Buffet's question. A writer for Inc.com brings up a great point with measuring success based on people loving you back. Bill Murphy says "But the nine-word question about whether other people love you puts the definition of your success in their hands (or maybe their hearts). It judges you by others' reactions, not to what you do yourself. I'm not even sure it's answerable, anyway. Can you truly know what someone else feels? You can have faith, and trust, and I hope that most of us do. But knowing is a different matter."

Murphy makes a valid point and perhaps the answer lies in your satisfaction in your relationships. It's likely that if you're doing all the loving in the relationship and it's not being returned, you're probably not all that satisfied in that relationship. Good relationships are mutual, with both parties actively involved in making it a happy, healthy, loving relationship.

We don't all have to agree with how to define success. It can be different for everyone. The best measure is probably answering "Do you feel successful in your life?" And if you do, for whatever reasons, then that should make you feel really good.

 




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