Put down the DNA kit and pick up the phone

As the holidays approach, a popular gift for family history buffs is a subscription to an ancestry website or a DNA kit. But we sometimes obsess over our ancestors’ history while ignoring our own grandparent who is still very much alive.

A better gift may be the gift of recording a grandparent telling their life story. Those of us who have spent countless hours researching our ancestors know that we are often left with so many questions that we wish we could have asked them. We can’t ask our dead ancestors, but we still have older relatives who have stories just waiting to be told. Your older relatives probably view spending time with you telling their story as the best gift of all! And recording these stories truly is a gift that will keep giving for generations to come. I know my grandpa loved the attention when we would ask him to talk about his life story. What I don’t think he realized was what a gift he was giving me.

After my mother passed away two years ago, I had the unpleasant task of cleaning out her garage on a rainy Saturday morning. My emotions were still painfully raw from losing her after a two year battle with stomach cancer. I had been going through boxes for hours without a break, and was exhausted.  My mood quickly changed at the sight of boxes containing numerous audio and video recordings of her father, my beloved grandfather, being interviewed about his life. And the bonus was that my beautiful mother was even the one interviewing him in some of the videos. I knew that my grandfather had started writing his memoir before his death, but had not realized how many journals and recordings were preserved that would help me finish his book. Seeing his sweet face and hearing his voice again when I put that first DVD in the player was one of the best gifts I ever received. And his laugh! Don’t get me started.

My kids knew their great grandpa, but publishing his life story has shown them a completely different side to him—the young man who survived World War II and its aftermath, through the help of his knowledge of nine languages. Showing them the adversities their seemingly easygoing great grandpa endured as an orphan has spawned many conversations about perseverance in our current lives. Hearing your relatives’ stories in their own words will give you a window into another side of them that you probably did not know existed. And you will be surprised how much it will cause you to reflect on the choices you make in your own life.

We are lucky that we live in a time where technology has made it easier than ever to preserve our memories. It’s so easy to take out your smartphone, hit the record button, and record your family history by interviewing your grandparents or parents. There’s even a free app called Story Corps that will easily guide you through the experience. Their mission is to help people pass along wisdom from one generation to the next. What if you live far away from the older relative you want to interview? Another cool app, called StoryWorth, emails the relative each week a set of questions you’ve never thought to ask them. They write a story each week, which is shared with you, and at the end of the year, the stories are bound into a keepsake book.

Whether you use an app or not, ask your older relatives about their oldest memories. This is a great way to find out about their grandparents who you probably never met. What are their best memories of their childhood? The list of possible questions is endless. Showing photos can often jog memory too. There is no wrong way to do this. The point is that you are doing it.

Pick up the phone and get started today. I promise that you will never regret it. Unfortunately we don’t get to keep our older relatives in our lives forever. Record their stories while there’s still time. When you start thinking about what gift to buy your older relative, keep in mind that the best gift of recording their story costs nothing. You can’t imagine the amazing gift you are giving, not just to them, but to yourself!

STEFANIE NAUMANN is a Professor of Management in the Eberhardt School of Business at University of the Pacific, where she has taught for 20 years. She earned her Ph.D. from Louisiana State University, and has published over 30 journal articles. She is a 20+ year member of the Academy of Management, a lifetime member of the Polish American Genealogical Society of America, and has earned awards for her research, teaching, and service. She is the granddaughter of Tadeusz Haska, a Polish-American immigrant and academic, and the co-author of the book How Languages Saved Me: A Polish Story of Survival. Learn more at https://stefanienaumann.com/.