Below is a guest article by Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro, author of “God Came To My Garage Sale”.

Surviving Domestic Violence is life changing. I found that writing has been instrumental in my healing journey as I move forward from experiencing severe trauma to living a blessed life filled with gratitude, peace and love.

I was living the “American Dream,” raising my two beautiful children, working in a fulfilling career as a high school and university teacher, residing in a gorgeous suburban home (complete with the quintessential white picket fence), studying for an advanced degree, pursuing my hobbies and interests, volunteering for worthwhile causes and enjoying a “fairytale life.” I was on top of the world. Sympathetically conscientious of others, I was always generous to those around me. A deep sense of compassion was woven into the fabric of my empathetic being. As a person of integrity who believes in honesty, commitments, perseverance and good will, I thought that everyone I was close to had those same intrinsic moral values. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that even your spouse of almost 30 years can betray you, be abusive, cause you intentional harm and take advantage of your trusting good nature.

One fateful night over a pizza at the local pub, the world as I knew it came to a crashing halt. My husband’s false mask slipped, his secrets were accidentally divulged and the truth about his double life was revealed. That was my “light bulb moment.” I realized from his unintentional confession that for years I had been slowly and methodically narcissistically abused. Without an exit plan, I mustered up my courage and immediately filed for divorce to escape that toxic partnership. Abusers, though, don’t let their targets go easily or quietly and for years I continued to be smeared, stalked and silenced. When he knew that I knew of his many deceits, my husband shoved me up against the wall and threatened: “Don’t you dare divorce me or I will take your house, your money and your children.” This was one promise that he kept.

In addition to the shock of extreme betrayal, I lost everything that provided safety and security, including my home (which I was told was paid off for over a decade, but was actually in foreclosure), my money (cash, credit and investments) and many of my relationships (friends and neighbors were told half-truths, most likely for years.) That was traumatic enough to jolt my reality. However, it wasn’t until experiencing a parent’s worst nightmare that my view of life was forever changed. I was certain that I had already endured my share of life’s obstacles after escaping my abusive marriage, but then the unthinkable happened: I lost one of my adult children to Parental Alienation.

The horrifying experience of unexpectedly having the loving relationship with my adult child abruptly severed due to vindictive Parental Alienation was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Carrying on seemed impossible because motherhood was such a huge part of how I defined myself. I was facing a crisis in midlife, just when I thought I could coast into a fabulous future. My Domestic Violence now included extreme Parental Alienation — the covert malignant control and brainwashing of our children with lies, using them as aligned weapons in revenge to destroy me. I was forced into a period of emotional upheaval and introspection, as it is very unnatural for a loving parent to have a child wrongly ripped away from them. Devastated and shocked, I began questioning why bad things and injustices happen to good, upstanding people. Although my child is alive, Parental Alienation is like experiencing your child’s physical death; Targeted Parents go through all of the same stages of grief. Days of no contact turn into weeks, months and in my case years. It is still hard to accept that an adult child would estrange themselves from a loving parent who raised them and gave them such a wonderful life, especially after 20 years of unconditional love and support. Brainwashing is cult-like and their fear and dependency leads to “Stockholm Syndrome” and “Independent Thinker Phenomenon.”

Coming to terms with my new reality, I realized that people cannot control the wrongs others do to us; we can only control ourselves and how we choose to respond. An intense clarity saturated my soul. Engulfed with reassuring and peaceful feelings of pure love instead of anger, despair or vindictiveness, my heart was filled with gratitude for so many wonderful years of treasured memories and happy times. I was thankful that I took numerous photographs and made extensive scrapbooks so there was tangible proof of my child’s happy upbringing. As an Erased Mom I was forced into survival mode, but despite the pain, I chose to embrace goodness and light. Through this trauma I found writing helped me heal.

After escaping my abuser I came to realize that I no longer was able to — or even wanted to — live “the American Dream.” It took all of my strength and courage to take back my life and move forward. As I began the process of physically shedding the extensive material remains of my accumulated memories, hopes and dreams, I had a weekend garage sale that also changed my life and provided inspiration to write my 2020 Best Books Award winning and prominently endorsed Spiritual fiction “God Came To My Garage Sale.”

I now have an overwhelming sense of purpose and choose to be happy. Even though I currently face life without my adult child, I understand that we all have our own journey. Love, honesty and goodness have always guided me and I pray that my alienated child remembers those same instilled values.

I found tremendous healing by processing my feelings and experiences through the written word, thus, the author in me was born. Writing has helped me make sense of this unwarranted abuse so I can transform my pain into power. Recovering from the unbelievable trauma of Domestic Violence, Narcissist Abuse and Parental Alienation is a process for all targeted by the malevolent alienator. Unfortunately, our abused children need to have their lightbulbs of truth turned on to begin to understand what really happened and to heal from the isolation and injustices done to them by their alienating parent.

There is always hope for reuniting, although so much valuable time has been lost and abused children and Targeted Parents can’t get back the years of separation. The pain of missed milestones create such sadness, but survivors can discover new connections and make new memories. The abuser can try to erase you and rewrite history, but loving bonds cannot be totally severed. I now am stronger. I hope that my writing helps others and validates their journeys. The experiences and voices of survivors matter. Our words need to be heard, despite how uncomfortable the conversation may be or the abuser’s direct or indirect efforts to silence us. Truth, compassion, goodness, peace and love will and must prevail.

I want to extend a message of hope to all those beautiful souls who find themselves in darkness and despair. Trauma and devastating loss could actually be the most positive turning point in your life. Seize life’s challenges as opportunities as you search for deeper meanings to make sense of what you have experienced. Just like I found writing to be healing, find an outlet that works for you. Embrace light and love. I sincerely pray that your journey brings you joy and peace.

Author Bio:

Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro is the celebrated author of the 2020 Best Books Award winning and prominently endorsed Spiritual fiction, “God Came To My Garage Sale.” She earned her doctorate in education and completed postdoctoral studies at Harvard after a very successful and rewarding 35-year career as a high school and adjunct university teacher. Foderaro is a lover of animals, nature, music and world travel. She handles life’s challenges with love and compassion. Foderaro values honesty, integrity, equality and goodness and prays for peace on earth. She was born in the South, raised her children in the Midwest and has made the Caribbean her home. In addition to her speaking engagements and various writing endeavors on embracing Spirituality after surviving Domestic Violence, Narcissistic Abuse and Parental Alienation, Foderaro is a contributing author to numerous anthology books.